R’s Journal – Following Through

it’s funny how you can be enthusiastic about something, so totally excited to the point of making extensive plans, and then completely flake out.  Life is hard enough, why make it harder on yourself by doing something silly and setting goals that you have to follow through on – am I right?

Well – one of my goals has been to write more.  I have failed miserably.  I have tons of excuses ready, and I’ve told a lot of them to myself too – but I’m a hardass (spell check apparently thinks it’s not possible to be a hardass.  I disagree spellcheck – I think that makes me a hardass by definition), and apparently I can read minds because I always know when I’m lying to myself.  And if there is someone you shouldn’t lie to, it’s me.

In the end, I’d rather make excuses and pretend I’ll deal with it tomorrow.  I don’t like being that guy – I like to think I’m the guy that gets shit done.  I’m not, I’m the guy that procrastinates and doesn’t do shit, but hey; you can’t stop me from dreaming.  Pretty sure I used that semi-colon incorrectly, but oh well – no one really knows how those work anyway, and it made Word stop complaining.

Back on topic – not following through.  Why is that?  I mean that rhetorically, I’m pretty sure it’s because I’m lazy.  I’m an old, married, cranky, lazy man.  I try to own that, but it’s not something to put on my resume. So here we are, I’m writing and you’re reading this wondering what the heck the crazy guy is trying to say.

Well, I’m trying to say – nothing really. Life sucks, things are hard, shit happens, insert your empowering saying here.  I’m also trying to say, that I’m working, really hard, every day to try to be better.  To be a better person, to be a better husband, to be a better dog owner, to be a better human being.  It’s a worthy goal right?  I’m not sure if I’ll make it, I’m not sure if I’ll follow through, heck I’m not sure it even really matters.  But I’m trying, and I’m going to keep trying every day.

Maybe life is just a long succession of trying to live up to that ideal of a person you want to be.  This got way too philosophical for a haphazard attempt at a journal entry.

Donald trump has small hands!

Thank you, that is all.

Richard.