It’s hot outside. And inside. The animals are sprawling on the floor with bellies in the air, and we are not much different. It feels like it’s too hot to do anything, so what do you do when it’s too hot to move?
1. Load a water gun with ice water and stalk your spouse. Camo gear and weird studded bras optional, though they might make everything more fun, I don’t know as I don’t own either. I suspect dressing like a ninja and popping out from behind the sofa in an ambush attack might be fun, but beware if your SO has heart issues.
Your victim will either be grateful and will drink up the cooling attention, or will steal the gun and drench you, in which case you have just tricked them into cooling you off. Win-win.
2. Have a 9 1/2 weeks style tasting party with your sexytime partner, but use items out of the freezer. What’s a few broken teeth when you can drench yourself in icy goodness?
3. Shave the cat. He might appreciate it, you never know.
Oooh. Or maybe not. But you’ll be entertained. At least until the cat kills you in your sleep.
4. Make more cats with the cat shavings.
This is a real thing, people. There are human beings out there harvesting their cats for crafts. I’m not kidding. There are books on the subject and everything.
5. See how many ice cubes you can balance on a sleeping family member before they wake up. When they startle back to consciousness, yell “Winter is Coming!” and run. But not too fast, don’t want to give yourself heatstroke.
6. Play in a kiddie pool like you’re five again.
7. Or fill the kiddie pool with margarita mix and tequila and find a big, big straw.
8. Write your manifesto. Everyone needs a manifesto, and heat brings out the crazy in everyone. Perfect timing to get the most out of your heat-addled brain.
9. Call the local colleges and universities and explain that you need to hire a few good-looking history department interns for your very busy, busy business.
When they arrive, dress them in loincloths – er, company uniforms! – give them a palm frond, and tell them to get to work. Air conditioning is expensive; interns are free!
If, okay, lets face it, when they start to complain, explain that this is a unique opportunity for Egyptian cultural immersion. Legit, yo. (College students probably don’t say that any more, though, so you may want to brush up on convincing contemporary collegiate slang beforehand.)
10. Build a blanket fort.
You might want to rig up some kind of redneck air conditioner for the interior if you don’t want to die of heat exhaustion. This can also become a contest of wills between you and your co-inhabitants of the blanket fort, to see who breaks down and steals a freezie first…
Do you have any fun ideas for keeping busy when it’s just too hot to move? Share in the comments section below!